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*monologue wrote and presented by Jeff McElwee*

Squirrels and Purple Monkeys

Some of you may ask what the hell I have on. Others might be use to it. I am not exactly what you would call "color coordinated" I don't wear blue shirts with tan jeans or white shirts with black shorts. I wear plad shirts with striped pants. And you know what? I am happy with it. I am punk rock. I wear this because I want to I am not here to impress a damn person.
Some of you may be thinking what a damn poser or what a loser. Well let me tell you this. I don't care. If I did I would have changed the way I look along time ago and I haven't. Some of my best friends aren't dressed like this, some are. Take (insert name) he may look like one of those guys who takes shit off anyone. Most of the time he does but he doesn't show it. He Puts holes in walls, namely because punk tries to show us the way of non violence but you might not see that in a concert. You might see a kid go down but you know what, when he goes down you can bet your ass 4 people pick him up. That's punk rock, that's proof that we all care about each other and we should treat each other like brothers that's why my friend doesn't hit people.
High school. I walked through the school yesterday and saw about 5 kids with less than Jake patch on their back pack. I asked "hey buddy what's your favorite song?" they replied with " I dunno I thought that their new cd kicked ass." I nodded and asked "whys that?" the guy looked at me and said, "because it sounded like Blink 182 with trumpets."
I don't know about you but that sounds like fighting words to me. Don't get me wrong I like blink 182 but Less than Jake plays fast and hard. This kid just tried comparing one of the best ska bands to one of the worst punk bands.
Sell outs. Now most of you may say yah damn sell outs. I say screw that and you. Two bands that sold out that made an impact on most of the punk community, The offspring and Blink 182. But when you get down to It they still kick major ass and they seem to making big bucks over it so maybe you should just let it go. Damn its only music.
So in closing I would like to tell the youth of America that its ok to like differsnt stuff and its ok to dress like youre an afghan. Sure you might get made fun of but hell 10 years from now none of this will matter and you will think back to damn I was a jack ass in high school. And most of the time people will agree with you. So later I am going to go listen to some Rancid and find a ciggarett and smoke it. Adios.

Thanks to my pal Jeff for allowing me the honour to post such a great piece of work :^)